sad about election results... (projection)

The kitties had a happy Halloween! There were trick-or-treaters and jack-o-lanterns... but after election day, they are both walking around the house a little depressed about rights for queers. Bacon is sarcastic and a little angry. Tee is contemplative and a little irritable. As Mainer kitties, now living in Massachusetts they are very disappointed.

gluten-free bread?

The cats are asleep on the couch and I'm working from home today. Chester is at my feet. I think I have a gluten allergy. I just tried my very first piece of brown rice bread. Very good! I smothered it in smart balance butter and ate it with baked beans. I bet it would taste great with some turkey bacon too and an egg. mmmm.






This is what Mr. baconbit thinks of brown rice bread...

The Circus.

Tee and Bit are officially outside kitties now! They are free to roam the streets, hunt bugs, and dodge nieghborhood children and cars. Tee seems to love the 20 foot radius around the new apartment. She especially likes to pretend she's a spy-kitty, hiding in the bushes. Bacon and Tee just love each other so much. Either doesn't want to go outside without the other kitty. VERY cute. They do things side by side all day long. So far it's been a little tricky to hide 3 cats from the new landlord...

The drive down went quite well. The kitties and I drove in a packed SUV from Portland, ME to Attleboro, MA. TRex sat on the center console the entire time napping. She travels quite well. Baconbit whined and fussed most of the ride. He settled down a bit after I started singing brandi carlile songs to them. He insisted on curling up in my lap.

I wonder if cats can feel homesick? They definitely were affected by all the change. The first week or so they were very skiddish. They are doing well with the other animals now, but their behaviors have changed drastically. They don't wrestle as much anymore because the dog interferes and scares them. Lee's dog Chester and her cat Turtle make a band of four animals sauntering around the place. It's pretty impossible to accomplish anything at home on the floor because there will be animals all over you. Forget about wrapping a present, sitting on the floor to tie your shoe, or doing some basic yoga stretches. There will be pets all up in your grill.

I'm a little homesick for past friends in Portland and homesick for just bacon, tee, and I. The three of us had a rhythm and now it's gone. When commuting to and from my new job in Boston, I long for Portland's rhythm: climbing up the stairs in my old apartment to be greeted by two hungry little kitties. Sometimes the memory is so intense I can almost touch it.

Now, after a horrendously long commuter ride home, I am greeted by a bouncing slobbery doggy with a cute droopy face. Three cats. And a person.

This person is my partner.. or girlfriend? None of those labels seem to describe her adequately. Lately I've been calling her my pork-chop. (Because she's a little meaty, kind of tough, and goes well with sweet things like myself.) Lee has a very large... uhm... personality. And so do I. And so do all of our pets. The six of us make up a circus.

4am clean-up crew

Tee was up sick last night. I think she is stressed from the move and the heat was just too much for the little kitty. The rain has cooled things off a bit.

Cat Lady Accessories, for the bathroom

This weekend will involve moving Lee's stuff into the new place. I'm considering the following cat lady accessories via target.com. I don't think Lee is excited about my kitty aesthetic. I think she secretly adores my cat-lady ways... or maybe the kitty toothbrush holder pictured left will be her deal-breaker for this relationship. ...Guess we'll just have to wait and see how the big move-in-with-the-gf goes. I am very hopeful about it. I may be willing to compromise on the toothbrush holder and soap dispenser. Definitely not the tissue box and matching trash can. I am allergic to cats, after all, but my love for these little animals goes beyond a periodic runny nose.

3 Cats, One pup.

It's official. The cats and I are moving to Attleboro, MA. Yesterday B&T got their first feline leukemia vaccination and a routine rabies shot. The new place in located on a quiet residential street. They are both very excited to be outdoor kitties. Right now they are only allowed out on the back porch. This is where they hunt bugs and stalk the gulls flying by. They have met their new doggie friend Chester and the three seem to get a long fine. However, they have not met their new step-sister, Turtle. Turtle is an eight year old muffin shaped old lady tabby. Yes, Lee and I will be living in an animal circus. Three cats and one very special Springer Spaniel.

The Tarot: An Essential Cat Lady Tool

Let's face it. Cat Ladys read the tarot. Now most people are a little skeptical about this mysterious deck of cards... or they confuse the tarot with convoluted stereotypes of crazy women as gypsy fortune tellers with crystal balls. There are no balls here. Just cards. The tarot holds a rich history of spiritual symbols and offers stories and characters that illustrate life and humanity. The tarot can give us a little nudge on what is really happening in our lives. It's not really fortune telling at all - its all in how we interpret the cards for ourselves. The "fortune telling" comes in when we have someone else read our cards and they project their interpretation of the reading onto us; which I love, because it usually alerts me to things I never would have considered on my own.

The below link has some great spreads on money questions and more specifically, how we feel towards finances. Enjoy. Tarot and Money Matters

And, yes people have gone as far as adapting these powerful symbols into cats. Personally, I think that the kitty deck above is a little hilarious and fantastic and perhaps a tad inappropriate. I prefer the Rider-Smith deck myself.

Cats and DragKings

This weekend's Kings of the Hill Show gets five big stars. There were tons of lesbian cat-lady jokes, including a creative litter-box & laser pointer interpretation of the Broadway Musical Cats. And just when you thought it was over, the Kings break out into fully choreographed Micheal Jackson's Thriller. Just fabulous.

The cats have been lounging and sauntering around all weekend in the summer heat. This morning baconbit was chattering away hunting flies.

Miss Rex on T? Trex: The Gender-bending Kitty!

It is estimated that there are 76,430,000 pet cats in the United States. China ranks as the second country with the highest pet cat population. Last night I had a dream T-rex had kittens and it was actually very stressful, as if I was pregnant myself. Bacon Tee and I were traveling to New York City on a ferry and I had all my luggage and tickets and I had to keep track of them and their kittens that were crawling and jumping and meowing all over the boat. StressFUL!

Soo it's funny that T-rex was preggos in the dream because, well... T-rex is kind of sort of a male cat. Yes, my little gurl kitty was born male. It's very confusing when we go to the vet. Trex was born male, but she's a little macho grrl kitty. Gender is just a construction of social norms anyway, right? And pet personalities are just a projection of their people's personalities, right? Well, I obviously have a trans gender cat then. But seriously, when you meet Tee, she is honestly a girl cat. No lies. Most people just assume she was born female based on the pronouns we use for her at the house, even the vet, not to mention her dykey personality.

Bit and Tee have a vet appointment coming up next week. We are all very excited about it because we are using Dr. Kate, the house call vet. She's bringing her professional kitty handler for T-rex's shot. Dr. Kate says cat bites are very serious and it's best to use a trained kitty handler. I'm envisioning a big, round, burley woman with raptor gloves and a bee tamer mask on. Hopefully this vision is not correct or Tee will be scared and attack. Both Bit and Tee need a rabies shot.. and they do not do well with shots. Last time I took them to the vet T-rex howled and attacked and Bacon meowed and hid in the corner. It was very traumatic for everyone involved. We are hoping the house call is a bit more pleasant.

Also funny story, today my co-worker sent me a kitten photo. She's trying to find a home for the mom and kittens. Weird that I just dreamt about kittens. Maybe it's a sign I need to get a third little muffin to complete our catlady family.

Weeding the House with the kitties!

So Bacon, Tee and I are getting ready for the house move in late August. They are anxious about the move. We've had a lot of discussion around it.

The cats' Grammy came down yesterday to help get rid of tables and chairs. Bacon frantically paced around while Tee sat right in the middle of everything, spreading her large kitty belly out and claiming all the furniture I needed to move. My mom hesitantly tip toed around Tee. Trex doesn't really like her Grammy, despite the many toys she buys for them.

The cats are pretty possessive about their toys and stuff. I've been trying to teach them the Buddhist philosophies around consumerism and capitalism. A cramped kitty condo is a cramped spirit. I'm excited about the chance to weed through some things and have a fresh start. The apartment is a little crazy right now. There is just too much stuff and I feel a little claustrophobic.

In an attempt to free their spirits, Bacon and Tee gave away their favorite pink kitty tent to Smooch. Smooch is a rock star kitty living on the hill, she's the proud cat of Kitty Van Dyke (burlesque Dancer and Artist soon hitting the streets of Montreal) Here are some photos of the tent and the delightful little Miss Smooch.

Vacation!

I'm heading out for a week on vacation!! Woo hoo! I'm soo excited. Baconbit knew something was up last night when I was rushing around packing bags, downloading music, washing dishes and getting out all the week's kitty supplies. D is kitty-sitting. The cats are quite excited about having a member of The Kings watch them, although they would prefer mom. Bacon was prancing around acting nervous and showing off. Tee was hunched over in the corner, angry and upset, compulsively chewing on plastic. I left a long obsessive list for D. Hopefully trex doesn't attack anyone while I'm gone. Heh heh. At least they have each other. It's always better to have more cats.. never just one.

KITTENS RIDING A VACUUM!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTxW3GWZ5hI

Cat Food Recall... :(

After kitty-sitting for J&B, I've decided to use up my friskies and start buying PetGaurd at whole foods for the kitties. They don't seem to like it as much.. but the ingredients seem better for them (I can pronounce the ingredient list and I know what most of them are). The below letter was sent out for distribution.

Dear Cat Lady,

Franklin, Tennessee (May 21, 2009) -- Today, Nutro Products announced a voluntary recall of select varieties of NUTRO(R) NATURAL CHOICE(R) COMPLETE CARE(R) Dry Cat Foods and NUTRO(R) MAX(R) Cat Dry Foods with "Best If Used By Dates" between May 12, 2010 and August 22, 2010. The cat food is being voluntarily recalled in the United States and ten additional countries. This recall is due to incorrect levels of zinc and potassium in our finished product resulting from a production error by a US-based premix supplier.

Two mineral premixes were affected. One premix contained excessive levels of zinc and under-supplemented potassium. The second premix under-supplemented potassium. Both zinc and potassium are essential nutrients for cats and are added as nutritional supplements to NUTRO(R) dry cat food.

This issue was identified during an audit of our documentation from the supplier. An extensive review confirmed that only these two premixes were affected. This recall does not affect any NUTRO(R) dog food products, wet dog or cat food, or dog and cat treats.

Affected product was distributed to retail customers in all 50 states, as well as to customers in Canada, Mexico, Japan, Korea, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, and Israel. We are working with all of our distributors and retail customers, in both the US and internationally, to ensure that the recalled products are not on store shelves. These products should not be sold or distributed further.

Consumers who have purchased affected product should immediately discontinue feeding the product to their cats, and switch to another product with a balanced nutritional profile. While we have received no consumer complaints related to this issue, cat owners should monitor their cat for symptoms, including a reduction in appetite or refusal of food, weight loss, vomiting or diarrhea. If your cat is experiencing health issues or is pregnant, please contact your veterinarian.

Consumers who have purchased product affected by this voluntary recall should return it to their retailer for a full refund or exchange for another NUTRO(R) dry cat food product. Cat owners who have more questions about the recall should call 1-800-833-5330 between the hours 8:00 AM to 4:30 PM CST.

Remember, this affects only NUTRO CAT food marked with the dates identified above. For more detailed product information, visit www.nutroproducts.com and click on "recall". Please direct any questions about the food to the 800# listed above.

Sincerely,
The doctors and staff of Dewitt Animal Hospital

Cats can sit too...

Cat Lady Saturday...

The Cats are were just fed and are now happy, I've been gone all day. We buried my aunt Leslie today, the impetus for this blog. I drove up to the Old cemetery this morning to meet my family. The windows were rolled down while driving around the lake and I was blaring some Laura Lee soul. My grandmother was sad and gave me a side hug, trying hard not to be too emotional. She is a stoic little Mainer; quiet and simple. Later, we celebrated my brother's birthday with white marble cake with black roses. I got to put my hands in the dirt today. I helped my mom plant some flowers around the house and sorted through some family stuff on the ride home.

Before home, I stopped in at J&B's house - The sweet dancer-dyke couple I'm cat-sitting for on the hill. Their little kitties are sooo lovable! They curl up in your arms, soft little bundles of kitty! Benjamin & Zoey are their names. The following is a description J wrote of of their little ones:

Zoey - female black longhair, ~11yo. Ornery but cuddly. Loves being gently held and petted, but please be careful around the base of her tail. She will warn you before nipping. She has a twisted rear left hip/knee that sometimes causes her discomfort.





Benjamin - male black longhair, ~2yo. Very friendly and playful. Loves being chased around the apartment (though I'm not sure if our downstairs neighbor likes it). Loves playing fetch with yarn tassels and zill covers (baby socks).





Benjamin and I got to roll around on the floor... just enough time to blog and meet up with Jess & Lor - haven't seen them since their wedding in Mexico! Hooray! So happy about friends, cats and dirt-work today!

I'm pup-sitting for Chester tomorrow night!! Eek! Doggy! We'll see how is goes with the little guy... It's time for this cat lady to bond with the sloppy little spaniel-pup. We have a doggy date with Kt & Small, the weimaraner. I think I understand the life of a dog owner now... it is about arranging your day around your dog's energy levels. I suppose the key is to wear them out so you can do what you want and once worn out, they just drape on you, sleep and eat (like cats).

Chester is staying at Camp Bow Wow in SoPo. They have web-cams so you can watch your dog online. Chester was playing with the big dogs tonight. He's the Black & white springer-spaniel (with the whacking tail and the droopy face) chasing a shadow:

http://www.campbowwow.com/us/me/portland/CamperCams/tabid/1843/Default.aspx

ten signs that you might be a Cat Lady...

1. You drive or take the bus home on your lunch-breaks just to hang out with your cats for 20 minutes. Their lazy purring and mid-day snuggles always makes the day better.

2. When you attend networking events for work, you start talking about your cats instead of your company. People usually start looking for the exits and warn others of "that cat lady."

3. You have two or more cats with very intricate personalities.

4. For the holidays, your relatives & friends don't buy you gifts anymore, they just buy you cat supplies.

5. When sending birthday and thank-you cards, you sign your name and your cats' names in kitty handwriting and insist that they really signed the cards themselves.

6. Your out on a date and have clumps of cat hair on your sweater. It doesn't bother you and in fact, if it bothers your date, the night ends right there and you go home to the cats.

7. You have homosexual tendencies... If you're not a lesbian, you've thought about it, lez-be-honest... And your cats would still love you the same and hiss at your lover, regardless of their gender.

8. You leave for vacation and leave a ten page letter for your kitty sitter, complete with food, play and poop details. You also watch videos & photos of the cats from your phone when you're gone. Ideally, there would be a web cam set up at home so you could watch them play and hang out.

9. You schedule evening plans and weekend activities around when your cats need to be fed.

10. You bought a bigger bed to make room for all the kitties sleeping with you. Some have designated pillows with their favorite colored shams.

cat ladys read books

The cats and I enjoy a good book in bed. Tee has been enjoying Pema Chodron buddhist books lately. Bit is more of a comic book reader. Just click on the books to read my reviews.

Kitty Pheromones...

So Kd and I are having folks over tomorrow night for dinner. While most cats run and hide under he bed when new people come over, T-rex stalks everyone in the kitchen and paws at their ankles. Most of our friends have a great sense of humor about it, but a few are scared of her vicious little kitty-kat ways. I got my Feliway package in the mail over the weekend. Mostly this stuff is used to encourage kitties to stop marking, but my vet recommended it to me to use when T-rex gets stressed out or territorial, i.e. when we have company come over. The vet said she was probably just scared and threatened and acts aggressively instead of passively. It seems simple... but seriously, she intimidates my friends and lovers: not okay.

I sprayed the synthetic kitty pheromones on our carpets and bedding (where the cats hang out) and bacon immediately licked it. T-rex seemed immune until last night when I sprayed it right bedtime, she crawled into bed with me and purred all night. :)

Dave End & kittens!

reyrey shared this with me, d just got kittens!! It must be spring.

kitten video with Dave End singing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfN9dfiPVU4

a cat lady's thoughts on marriage rights in Maine...

http://pressherald.mainetoday.com/story.php?id=254850&ac=PHnws

I'm so excited to be a Mainer right now!! Our gov. just signed the bill to make Maine the 5th state in the US to allow gay marriage. I know the kitties will be very happy about this! After all, pets are a big part of the family.

At first, my academic feminist teachings urged me to oppose marriage in general: a patriarchal institution that is rooted in property arrangements between men that kept women subordinate throughout history. Some of my queer friends convinced me years ago that our community was beyond marriage. We could have family arrangements that didn't involve referencing sexist histories and laws. I changed my thoughts on marriage years ago...

Choice is a wonderful thing.

Oh how choice changes everything! It eventually occurred to me (when my ex partner and I were making plans for the future) that I actually didn't have a choice to engage in these marriage laws or ignore them all together. While heterosexual feminist women are deciding whether or not to keep their husband's name (often still a hot-button issue), I can't event legally marry the person I may choose to spend the rest of my life with. This makes me a little crazy that I live in a state that doesn't protect my relationship, property, children, pets, etc. I've considered moving from my home, setting aside my Mainer pride, and moving to Massachusetts for this very reason.

A good cat lady makes sure there is a plan for her kitties in case anything were to happen. Usually married partners would take care of this if something happened to a cat lady. Hopefully her Cat lady Life Partner (CLLP) would take care of the kitties after death and help them in their grieving. Also, marriage binds two people together financially, and we all know vet bills ain't cheap. It would be helpful to have a legal contract saying that CLLPs agree to support each other's cat lady expenses (CLE). Many couples choose pets over children. A good cat lady is serious about her pets and considers them to be just as important and glorious as children.

So far, if anything were to happen to me, none of my friends really want Trex :( but people are lining up to take the lover Mr. baconbit. (Sorry guys, it's a package deal. Both or nothing!)

a weekend away from the cats...

That is bacon playing in the hallway.

I was in Boston and Providence this weekend and I've been away from the cats for three days! I can't wait to see the little buttons. I miss them SOooo much. 5 bucks says Bacon dug up my plants while I was gone.

I went to the RISD Art sale this weekend. (http://www.risd.edu/alumni_sale.cfm) It was great. I bought a Betty Page ceramic cup for ReyRey (to encourage her fantastic Burlesque career) and yummy smelling Lavender & Rosemary pillows. (Lee hates the smell. I say: too bad.) I had to stop myself from spending 50 dollars on a set of ceramic kitty dishes. :-/

trex attacks again!

My friend AL slept over last night. AL is a brilliant Portland cat lady. Her ring tone on her phone is the sound of her cat meowing fiercely. It's a piercing sound and you're never quite sure what it is at first. Her phone rang at my house and the cats freaked out. They thought another cat was in the house and their tails became poofy. That's when T-rex attacked AL. She chased her down the hallway while she was talking on the phone with her mom in Louisiana. That night, T-rex didn't get any sleep because she was up just staring at AL all night. She sits on top of the TV and just watches you with her big piercing eyes, occasionally tilting her head.

AL just got back from a Buddhist nunnery in Vermont, so she handled the situation with laughter.

T-rex is usually a big mean scaredy cat. I'm thinking about trying the synthetic kitty facial pheromones for when we have overnight guests.


http://www.amazon.com/Feliway-75mL-Spray/dp/B00076NPC2/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1241449682&sr=8-3




Here is a good article about kitty pheromones and more territorial business.


http://www.petplace.com/cats/pheromone-sprays-for-cats/page1.aspx

Someday Soon...

It's SO gorgeous out today. I actually woke up and went to NIA class this morning (http://dancenia.blogspot.com/2008/09/nia-in-maine.html) and I feel great. All the pale, scruffy neighbors are coming out of their dark apartment buildings by the Casco Bay. Some are even lounging in bathing suits on the bit of grass in Harborview park. The cats got to go out on the porch while I was cleaning. I make them wear kitty harnesses when they go outside so they don't leap off of the three story porch when the gulls fly by. Tee loves her little pink harness. Bit doesn't really care for it, he looks a little awkward in it.

I'm starting to make the cats wear collars too. I'm experiementing with colors and textures. Tee has a black velvet, sparkly collar, bacon has dasies on his. Pet accessories are one of the best parts about owning pets. It's also how we gender our pets. I like messing with their genders: Bacon is a boy cat and wears pink. T-rex is a little girl kitty... so she likes red, blue, pink ...all colors.

Pet stores become toy stores as an cat lady. I remember the consumerist joy I used to feel in the toy store as a kid when my mom said I could get ONE thing. I usually chose crayons or marbles... my brother always chose the biggest, most expensive toy in the store. As an adult, I wander through the kitty ailes squeaking about scratching posts and feathery catnip toys. Turns out, Tee and Bit are happy with their laser pointer, a few paper bags and lots of attention.

I want my cats to be outdoor kitties. I know Tee will be happier. We live on such a busy street close to downtown that it's just not possible right now. In the words of KT Tunstall: Someday Soon... In the meantime a cat lady must do her research on the issue. Here is a helpful website on moving with your cat and transitioning them from an indoor kitty to an outdoor kitty. http://www.fabcats.org/owners/moving/info.html

Tee loves KT Tunstall. Here are the lyrics to her song Someday Soon, a good walking tune...

Someday Soon
I think it's time to put myself away
Seek out a little silence
Close the doors and sit a while
Walk a little

And as I put my words away
The flow slows
See this pen in a stream
Picking it up is easy.

Follow the shape of it.
Jump in.
Swallow it whole.
Jump in.

Even though I know my around
Possibly there's something that I found
Holding on for finding solid ground
Someday soon.
Someday soon.

I'll turn myself into the grass
And I'll grow
Take this space above my head
And live a little, little.

Gonna wear my feathered headress
Like an indian chief.
Gonna stretch out both my arms
I'm gonna test the temperature.

Follow the taste of it.
Jump in.
Swallow it whole.
Jump in.

Even though I know my around (even though)
Possibly there's something that I found (possibly I, possibly I)
Holding on for finding solid ground (ohh..)
Even though I know my around (even though)
Possibly there's something newI found (possibly I, possibly I)
Holding on for finding solid ground (ohh..)
Someday soon.
Someday soon.

Maybe walk a little
Someday soon.

Sunny Days with bruncle Kd

Today the sun is so warm. Perfect skirt weather! On my lunch break I got to sit outside and feel the sun on my pale skin... it's been too long! This was a hard winter in many ways. Lonely, cold and dark... but today it changes. There is a new moon tonight. Time to set your intentions for the upcoming cycle and season. Everyone is chipper and excited for the sunny weekend. I feel a little cheesy. I might put on some Catie Curtis to accent the mood. This is what Maine does to us. Our emotions are intertwined with the weather... animals' emotions reflect the weather too.

Here are the kittens basking in the springtime sun. Tee is curling her paws, this means she is very happy. Bacon is saturating himself, dreaming of turkey giblets for dinner tonight.

KD - aka bruncle kd (cross between uncle and brother) took these pics while I was at work. I'm a tad worried about Mr. Bit because his bruncle Kd and him have bonded big time and he's going to be so sad when she moves out... When she's gone for just the weekend he scampers around the house, pacing and whining. They play very similarly. They are both little bunny-puppies together. Bacon climbs all over her and loves it.

Riley.

My BFF (Best Friend Forever) Kel recently got a baby boxer pup named Riley. I'm her earth mother, offering spiritual guidance and the occasional sale item squeaky toy. Riley is a sweet little grrrl pup. with a gender ambiguous name. She like to prance around on the beach in her bright blue collar. Riley is very different than Chester. She doesn't drool, for one, and she also knows her place with T-Rex and Bacon. I like dogs. I do... but Chester and I are having some problems getting along.

It seems that Chester is a tad jealous of me. He is starving for Lee's attention when I'm around. He barks and pees on things when we're making out. It's kind of funny, but in that funny serious kind of way...

Chester.

I recently started dating a dog person. Yep, my hunny Lee is infatuated with her little Springer Spaniel, Chester. Chester is a messy, clumsy old man with lots of saggy skin. Sometimes he reminds me of that movie Benjamin Buttons with Brad Pitt. You can't help but feel a little bad for him. He compulsively licks you and peers up at you with big brown sad eyes. He's slobbery and messy. Yuck. He has these huge drooling lips and always has gunk on his face. He also has this strange habit of chasing shadows. He compulsively is looking for a shadow and so walking or running him on a sunny day is next to impossible. This is Chester in his Halloween costume. He was rooster. (Springers are bird dogs.)

I used to be a dog person... but this was before I owned cats. I like the idea of a dog's unconditional love and devotion... but really dogs are like having needy children that wake you up in the morning so they can pee outside.

Carpet Play.

hide out.

I have to give credit to KD for taking this photo. It captures the playful side of Ms. Rex. She's hiding out planning her next sneak attack in a handmade fabric fish toy.

My parents found this large fish toy for me at their church holiday craft sale last year. Sold by a cute old cat lady, it used to have freaky big fish eyes, but the cats chewed them off.

T-Rex.

T-Rex was named after the fierce dinosaur and feminist artist Tee Corinne.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tee_Corinne). Corinne one of my favorite artists. She was responsible for the "Cunt Coloring Book" in the 1970's: a sex-positive coloring book of vulva drawings for women to become comfortable with their own anatomy. You can still buy the book today on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Cunt-Coloring-Book-Tee-Corinne/dp/0867193719).

Tee was a lovable kitten. She was quiet and simple. A pillow princess. She turned a little mean and territorial when my ex-partner moved out. She hates people in her space and won't let anyone go near her.. except for me and occasionally KD and my ex.

I have a sneaking suspicion that she is just not happy being an indoor apartment kitty. I think she was made to be a farm cat; coming and going as she pleases. She likes hunting the laser pointer and stares longingly out the window of our fourth story apartment.

Tee is a little dykey. She puts up with Bacon and his faggy little ways. She's also a little snooty. She believes she was a wine connoisseur in a past life and a Buddhist monk in another life. She is a very spiritual little kitty; participating in my yoga activities and she comes running when I burn sage to smudge. Tee also loves fine dining and expensive, material things. She likes pearls and electrical chords. She recently chewed through my computer speakers (we're still fighting about it). Tee has been known to chew laptop and portable DVD chords.

Bacon.

I recently discovered turkey bacon! Wow. It tastes very similar to REAL Bacon and it's a lot better for you! Meat in a frying pan sizzling doesn't really seem appetizing at first to an ex-vegetarian, but after the cooking part is over, the salty, crispy strips are one of my guilty pleasures. Eating bacon is part of my SSB (Secret Single Behavior) Repertoire. There is something incredibly raunchy and grotesque about this breakfast food. I prefer eating bacon while wearing something extremely delicate like lace or satin. The mix of raunchy, crispy meat strips juxtaposed with some fine femininity makes me giddy. This potpourri of imagery was probably the impetus for BLTs and bacon bits, yes, bacon bits, the salty little bits of meat that Americans pour on salads. Leave it up to us in the west to smother a salty meaty snack atop a delicate leaf of green lettuce. Appreciating the breakfast food and the raunchiness of the culture around bacon will allow for the appreciation of my cat, Bacon.

Bacon is a silly, little brown tiger kitty. He believes his spirit animals are the Tiger and the Wolf and his favorite musicians are Justin Timberlake and Johnny Cash. In a past life, Bacon was an explorer, a mad scientist and a car mechanic. Mr. Bit is a little faggy. He prances around the house and flamboyantly paws at objects on table tops and knocks them on the ground until you pay attention to him.

It is especially fun when he does this at 4 in the morning...

History.

I used to make fun of cat ladies. My neighbor Susan used to hang out in the yard between our red brick apartment buildings with her cat Snowball on a leash. She'd smoke her cigarette and walk her kitty in the 10x10' square of a city land, humming a tune. Snowball seemed to enjoy himself. He's hunker down in the little blue harness and hunt flies and beetles. He looked a little uncomfortable, but delighted to be outside. Susan had crazy white hair and lived only with Snowball and as I learned more about the cat lady next door I learned more about my own deep, intense fear of growing old alone. Every break-up I went through I would have this vision of myself in my eighties, wrinkly and messy, my hair wild and white walking ten cats on leashes, all meowing and scurrying about. When I thought for sure I had sworn off love, this vision would always motivate me to get back in the saddle and start dating again.

I've realized over the years that the crazy cat lady persona is slapped onto women so we will just shut up, find a husband, get pregnant and settle down already. It is similar to the “Old Maid” persona, a card game that subtly scares girls into thinking that it is a bad thing to be an old woman. Throughout history women were murdered along with their cat counterparts. Women were accused of witchcraft and executed for practicing and Men killed cats too because they thought women who were withes could magically transform into felines. Eventually because so many cats were killed, the rat population got out of control and disease spread and The Plague broke out killing thousands of people. I call this nature's kharma. Yes, women and cats have suffered greatly throughout history and now we are forever tied.

When I was little, my family had a tuxedo cat named Critter. She was a testy, surly, little cat. She hunted mice and no one could ever cuddle her. She had kittens in the hallway of my parent's old house and attacked me and my mom. We were trapped in the bathroom for hours. Ever since then, I considered myself more of a dog person. I loved how dogs always adored me and worshiped the ground I walked on. I was a proud dog person for many many years, and planned my future around having dogs... and that is when I met Scout.

Scout (named after the character in To Kill a Mockingbird) was affectionately named "Scouty" or "Scouters". She was a small white cat that belonged to my old roommate. She was a feisty kitten that pecked at anyone who crossed her path. I was nervous about living with a cat who could attack me, but after six months or so, I was in love. Scouters and I had our own little routine and eventually she got so comfortable with me I could pick her up and cuddle her and she wouldn't attack, an amazing feat. Her favorite game was fetch. She would obsessively play fetch with toy mice. She was very smart I taught her how to sit, shake, lie down, and roll over for treats. I was so impressed with this little animal. It was destiny that we met.

When it was time for me to move out, It was hard to leave Scouters. I went to the shelter and bought a kitten of my own. At the time i was dating this lovable little genderqueer who was also VERY into about cats. (Now a requirement to date me.) We both picked out a kitten of our own and did what every good lesbian does: moved in together with our cats and all their accessories (kitty condo and scratching posts).

At the shelter, I met T-rex. She was a teeny-tiny black & white, witchy kitten that was a little slow and sleepy. It was destiny, love at first sight, really. My life stopped and my periphery vision became blurry. We made eye contact through the bars of the cage she was in and I knew that she was mine, and I was hers. I cupped her in my large pillow arms and we've been side by side ever since. I named her Ms. Tee Corrinne Rex (after the feminist artist Tee Corrinne). T-rex has become her trademark name.

My partner chose the sloppy tiger-tabby snoring asleep in the litter box. He was smelly and messy; a little cat-dog. His tiny pink tongue hung out of his mouth and he snored hard in the box, covered in poop. Of course my spunky, boy-ish partner said "I want that one!" The smelly kittenkid was named Bacon Michaelangelous Bit (named after the Buffy character and the breakfast food). He is affectionately known today as Mr. Bit.

Tee and Bit have been brothers ever since.

Reclaimation.

It's time to reclaim the term crazy cat lady. Yeah, that's right. I'm crazy about my cats. I love them dearly and the three of us make a tiny family on the top floor of this downtown Portland apartment. My cat lady aunt recently passed away and I feel as though she has passed on the cat lady torch in our family to me. I must do her proud, for cat lady-dom is both an honor and a responsibility.