trex attacks again!

My friend AL slept over last night. AL is a brilliant Portland cat lady. Her ring tone on her phone is the sound of her cat meowing fiercely. It's a piercing sound and you're never quite sure what it is at first. Her phone rang at my house and the cats freaked out. They thought another cat was in the house and their tails became poofy. That's when T-rex attacked AL. She chased her down the hallway while she was talking on the phone with her mom in Louisiana. That night, T-rex didn't get any sleep because she was up just staring at AL all night. She sits on top of the TV and just watches you with her big piercing eyes, occasionally tilting her head.

AL just got back from a Buddhist nunnery in Vermont, so she handled the situation with laughter.

T-rex is usually a big mean scaredy cat. I'm thinking about trying the synthetic kitty facial pheromones for when we have overnight guests.


http://www.amazon.com/Feliway-75mL-Spray/dp/B00076NPC2/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1241449682&sr=8-3




Here is a good article about kitty pheromones and more territorial business.


http://www.petplace.com/cats/pheromone-sprays-for-cats/page1.aspx

Someday Soon...

It's SO gorgeous out today. I actually woke up and went to NIA class this morning (http://dancenia.blogspot.com/2008/09/nia-in-maine.html) and I feel great. All the pale, scruffy neighbors are coming out of their dark apartment buildings by the Casco Bay. Some are even lounging in bathing suits on the bit of grass in Harborview park. The cats got to go out on the porch while I was cleaning. I make them wear kitty harnesses when they go outside so they don't leap off of the three story porch when the gulls fly by. Tee loves her little pink harness. Bit doesn't really care for it, he looks a little awkward in it.

I'm starting to make the cats wear collars too. I'm experiementing with colors and textures. Tee has a black velvet, sparkly collar, bacon has dasies on his. Pet accessories are one of the best parts about owning pets. It's also how we gender our pets. I like messing with their genders: Bacon is a boy cat and wears pink. T-rex is a little girl kitty... so she likes red, blue, pink ...all colors.

Pet stores become toy stores as an cat lady. I remember the consumerist joy I used to feel in the toy store as a kid when my mom said I could get ONE thing. I usually chose crayons or marbles... my brother always chose the biggest, most expensive toy in the store. As an adult, I wander through the kitty ailes squeaking about scratching posts and feathery catnip toys. Turns out, Tee and Bit are happy with their laser pointer, a few paper bags and lots of attention.

I want my cats to be outdoor kitties. I know Tee will be happier. We live on such a busy street close to downtown that it's just not possible right now. In the words of KT Tunstall: Someday Soon... In the meantime a cat lady must do her research on the issue. Here is a helpful website on moving with your cat and transitioning them from an indoor kitty to an outdoor kitty. http://www.fabcats.org/owners/moving/info.html

Tee loves KT Tunstall. Here are the lyrics to her song Someday Soon, a good walking tune...

Someday Soon
I think it's time to put myself away
Seek out a little silence
Close the doors and sit a while
Walk a little

And as I put my words away
The flow slows
See this pen in a stream
Picking it up is easy.

Follow the shape of it.
Jump in.
Swallow it whole.
Jump in.

Even though I know my around
Possibly there's something that I found
Holding on for finding solid ground
Someday soon.
Someday soon.

I'll turn myself into the grass
And I'll grow
Take this space above my head
And live a little, little.

Gonna wear my feathered headress
Like an indian chief.
Gonna stretch out both my arms
I'm gonna test the temperature.

Follow the taste of it.
Jump in.
Swallow it whole.
Jump in.

Even though I know my around (even though)
Possibly there's something that I found (possibly I, possibly I)
Holding on for finding solid ground (ohh..)
Even though I know my around (even though)
Possibly there's something newI found (possibly I, possibly I)
Holding on for finding solid ground (ohh..)
Someday soon.
Someday soon.

Maybe walk a little
Someday soon.

Sunny Days with bruncle Kd

Today the sun is so warm. Perfect skirt weather! On my lunch break I got to sit outside and feel the sun on my pale skin... it's been too long! This was a hard winter in many ways. Lonely, cold and dark... but today it changes. There is a new moon tonight. Time to set your intentions for the upcoming cycle and season. Everyone is chipper and excited for the sunny weekend. I feel a little cheesy. I might put on some Catie Curtis to accent the mood. This is what Maine does to us. Our emotions are intertwined with the weather... animals' emotions reflect the weather too.

Here are the kittens basking in the springtime sun. Tee is curling her paws, this means she is very happy. Bacon is saturating himself, dreaming of turkey giblets for dinner tonight.

KD - aka bruncle kd (cross between uncle and brother) took these pics while I was at work. I'm a tad worried about Mr. Bit because his bruncle Kd and him have bonded big time and he's going to be so sad when she moves out... When she's gone for just the weekend he scampers around the house, pacing and whining. They play very similarly. They are both little bunny-puppies together. Bacon climbs all over her and loves it.

Riley.

My BFF (Best Friend Forever) Kel recently got a baby boxer pup named Riley. I'm her earth mother, offering spiritual guidance and the occasional sale item squeaky toy. Riley is a sweet little grrrl pup. with a gender ambiguous name. She like to prance around on the beach in her bright blue collar. Riley is very different than Chester. She doesn't drool, for one, and she also knows her place with T-Rex and Bacon. I like dogs. I do... but Chester and I are having some problems getting along.

It seems that Chester is a tad jealous of me. He is starving for Lee's attention when I'm around. He barks and pees on things when we're making out. It's kind of funny, but in that funny serious kind of way...

Chester.

I recently started dating a dog person. Yep, my hunny Lee is infatuated with her little Springer Spaniel, Chester. Chester is a messy, clumsy old man with lots of saggy skin. Sometimes he reminds me of that movie Benjamin Buttons with Brad Pitt. You can't help but feel a little bad for him. He compulsively licks you and peers up at you with big brown sad eyes. He's slobbery and messy. Yuck. He has these huge drooling lips and always has gunk on his face. He also has this strange habit of chasing shadows. He compulsively is looking for a shadow and so walking or running him on a sunny day is next to impossible. This is Chester in his Halloween costume. He was rooster. (Springers are bird dogs.)

I used to be a dog person... but this was before I owned cats. I like the idea of a dog's unconditional love and devotion... but really dogs are like having needy children that wake you up in the morning so they can pee outside.

Carpet Play.

hide out.

I have to give credit to KD for taking this photo. It captures the playful side of Ms. Rex. She's hiding out planning her next sneak attack in a handmade fabric fish toy.

My parents found this large fish toy for me at their church holiday craft sale last year. Sold by a cute old cat lady, it used to have freaky big fish eyes, but the cats chewed them off.

T-Rex.

T-Rex was named after the fierce dinosaur and feminist artist Tee Corinne.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tee_Corinne). Corinne one of my favorite artists. She was responsible for the "Cunt Coloring Book" in the 1970's: a sex-positive coloring book of vulva drawings for women to become comfortable with their own anatomy. You can still buy the book today on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Cunt-Coloring-Book-Tee-Corinne/dp/0867193719).

Tee was a lovable kitten. She was quiet and simple. A pillow princess. She turned a little mean and territorial when my ex-partner moved out. She hates people in her space and won't let anyone go near her.. except for me and occasionally KD and my ex.

I have a sneaking suspicion that she is just not happy being an indoor apartment kitty. I think she was made to be a farm cat; coming and going as she pleases. She likes hunting the laser pointer and stares longingly out the window of our fourth story apartment.

Tee is a little dykey. She puts up with Bacon and his faggy little ways. She's also a little snooty. She believes she was a wine connoisseur in a past life and a Buddhist monk in another life. She is a very spiritual little kitty; participating in my yoga activities and she comes running when I burn sage to smudge. Tee also loves fine dining and expensive, material things. She likes pearls and electrical chords. She recently chewed through my computer speakers (we're still fighting about it). Tee has been known to chew laptop and portable DVD chords.

Bacon.

I recently discovered turkey bacon! Wow. It tastes very similar to REAL Bacon and it's a lot better for you! Meat in a frying pan sizzling doesn't really seem appetizing at first to an ex-vegetarian, but after the cooking part is over, the salty, crispy strips are one of my guilty pleasures. Eating bacon is part of my SSB (Secret Single Behavior) Repertoire. There is something incredibly raunchy and grotesque about this breakfast food. I prefer eating bacon while wearing something extremely delicate like lace or satin. The mix of raunchy, crispy meat strips juxtaposed with some fine femininity makes me giddy. This potpourri of imagery was probably the impetus for BLTs and bacon bits, yes, bacon bits, the salty little bits of meat that Americans pour on salads. Leave it up to us in the west to smother a salty meaty snack atop a delicate leaf of green lettuce. Appreciating the breakfast food and the raunchiness of the culture around bacon will allow for the appreciation of my cat, Bacon.

Bacon is a silly, little brown tiger kitty. He believes his spirit animals are the Tiger and the Wolf and his favorite musicians are Justin Timberlake and Johnny Cash. In a past life, Bacon was an explorer, a mad scientist and a car mechanic. Mr. Bit is a little faggy. He prances around the house and flamboyantly paws at objects on table tops and knocks them on the ground until you pay attention to him.

It is especially fun when he does this at 4 in the morning...

History.

I used to make fun of cat ladies. My neighbor Susan used to hang out in the yard between our red brick apartment buildings with her cat Snowball on a leash. She'd smoke her cigarette and walk her kitty in the 10x10' square of a city land, humming a tune. Snowball seemed to enjoy himself. He's hunker down in the little blue harness and hunt flies and beetles. He looked a little uncomfortable, but delighted to be outside. Susan had crazy white hair and lived only with Snowball and as I learned more about the cat lady next door I learned more about my own deep, intense fear of growing old alone. Every break-up I went through I would have this vision of myself in my eighties, wrinkly and messy, my hair wild and white walking ten cats on leashes, all meowing and scurrying about. When I thought for sure I had sworn off love, this vision would always motivate me to get back in the saddle and start dating again.

I've realized over the years that the crazy cat lady persona is slapped onto women so we will just shut up, find a husband, get pregnant and settle down already. It is similar to the “Old Maid” persona, a card game that subtly scares girls into thinking that it is a bad thing to be an old woman. Throughout history women were murdered along with their cat counterparts. Women were accused of witchcraft and executed for practicing and Men killed cats too because they thought women who were withes could magically transform into felines. Eventually because so many cats were killed, the rat population got out of control and disease spread and The Plague broke out killing thousands of people. I call this nature's kharma. Yes, women and cats have suffered greatly throughout history and now we are forever tied.

When I was little, my family had a tuxedo cat named Critter. She was a testy, surly, little cat. She hunted mice and no one could ever cuddle her. She had kittens in the hallway of my parent's old house and attacked me and my mom. We were trapped in the bathroom for hours. Ever since then, I considered myself more of a dog person. I loved how dogs always adored me and worshiped the ground I walked on. I was a proud dog person for many many years, and planned my future around having dogs... and that is when I met Scout.

Scout (named after the character in To Kill a Mockingbird) was affectionately named "Scouty" or "Scouters". She was a small white cat that belonged to my old roommate. She was a feisty kitten that pecked at anyone who crossed her path. I was nervous about living with a cat who could attack me, but after six months or so, I was in love. Scouters and I had our own little routine and eventually she got so comfortable with me I could pick her up and cuddle her and she wouldn't attack, an amazing feat. Her favorite game was fetch. She would obsessively play fetch with toy mice. She was very smart I taught her how to sit, shake, lie down, and roll over for treats. I was so impressed with this little animal. It was destiny that we met.

When it was time for me to move out, It was hard to leave Scouters. I went to the shelter and bought a kitten of my own. At the time i was dating this lovable little genderqueer who was also VERY into about cats. (Now a requirement to date me.) We both picked out a kitten of our own and did what every good lesbian does: moved in together with our cats and all their accessories (kitty condo and scratching posts).

At the shelter, I met T-rex. She was a teeny-tiny black & white, witchy kitten that was a little slow and sleepy. It was destiny, love at first sight, really. My life stopped and my periphery vision became blurry. We made eye contact through the bars of the cage she was in and I knew that she was mine, and I was hers. I cupped her in my large pillow arms and we've been side by side ever since. I named her Ms. Tee Corrinne Rex (after the feminist artist Tee Corrinne). T-rex has become her trademark name.

My partner chose the sloppy tiger-tabby snoring asleep in the litter box. He was smelly and messy; a little cat-dog. His tiny pink tongue hung out of his mouth and he snored hard in the box, covered in poop. Of course my spunky, boy-ish partner said "I want that one!" The smelly kittenkid was named Bacon Michaelangelous Bit (named after the Buffy character and the breakfast food). He is affectionately known today as Mr. Bit.

Tee and Bit have been brothers ever since.

Reclaimation.

It's time to reclaim the term crazy cat lady. Yeah, that's right. I'm crazy about my cats. I love them dearly and the three of us make a tiny family on the top floor of this downtown Portland apartment. My cat lady aunt recently passed away and I feel as though she has passed on the cat lady torch in our family to me. I must do her proud, for cat lady-dom is both an honor and a responsibility.